Travel & Routine
I rarely spend money on myself when it comes to buying things but I will spend it on travel in a heartbeat. Traveling is a huge part of my life. I hate feeling like I am physically stuck in one geographical spot and since I can’t move anytime soon, I fuel my wanderlust with work trips and workcations. In fact, I am currently on one of these trips in Bali.
As someone with anxiety, travel is actually pretty hard for me. I stress about not tracking my food while I’m there. I stress about my routine being broken. I stress about when I’ll work. I stress about how I will look while on this trip. I stress about the aftermath of whatever ‘damage’ I may do to my body. I worry that I continually set myself back with all this travel. I worry that I will feel sad that my husband is unable to experience it with me.
And the list of the crazy brain train goes on.
When I was in Kauai last month I struggled so damn hard. I went for the Ultimate Hawaiian Trail Run and was surrounded by the fittest freaking people on Earth. (Literally, like Mat Fraser was all of 5 feet from me at the starting line.) Considering, I had put on some weight and wasn’t feeling my best, this was a mindfuck. I tried to stay out of pictures and didn’t take any of myself. I consistently compared myself to my friends. I knew I was in a horrible headspace and just wanted to hide so I didn’t ruin their experience.
So this trip to Bali? Yeah I almost said no. Well actually, I did say no at first. I didn’t want to go through those feelings again. I didn’t want to run through the list of stressors and what ifs in my head.
Then I had to slap myself with some reality. Traveling isn’t something I can avoid or that I even want to avoid. The only way to work on something is to face it head on. They only way to progress is to keep trying at the very thing you want to make progress with. And I MEAN IT’S BALI. Who turns that down??
And so, I promised myself that I would work on relieving these anxieties as best as I could before as well as during the trip. I have to truly get over the anxiety of not being perfect and remind myself it’s not the end of the world. And I WILL get over myself and take some damn pictures.
Self love is hard man, and it’s not linear. I’m not perfect at it (as I’m SURE you can see by now) but I’m getting better all the time <3
Peace, hugs & self-love,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.