Analyzing My Failures
I don’t talk about my biggest failure, The Indie Chicks much. I think at some point I had to stop thinking about it because it hurt so much and I needed to move on. It was like a death. I grieved it harder than I thought possible. I took so much responsibility for its demise when it wasn’t even my creation to begin with.
And I think that was the problem. It is SO easy for me to climb on board of someone else’s business or project and love it as though it were my own. I have spent more hours working tirelessly and more tears than I can count on other people’s dreams. But, anytime I attach myself to someone else’s idea, every time I get passionate about something that doesn’t truly belong to me, I fail.
I wish I had realized that sooner.
I was asked to join The Indie Chicks, an online self-empowerment magazine for women at a time when I needed it the most. My marketing company was on shaky ground after my business partners (who were also my exclusive clients) completely abandoned me when it had been their idea to start the company in the first place. I felt like The IC was the perfect distraction to pour my heart into while I built my biz.
Looking back, I can see that The IC is what opened the door to my love for women empowerment. It’s where I learned to play big and take big risks. It’s where I figured out how to do big things I never thought I could before, like create a print magazine and get it distributed internationally. It’s where I grew confidence as a business owner. It’s where I realized that we had no idea how to make money and that we ultimately didn’t have a business, we had a really expensive hobby.
But had I not failed so gloriously pouring my heart and soul into other people’s stuff, I may not have been willing to do it for myself. A point of logic I tend to return to, is if I could risk it for them, I could certainly do it for me. If I could work tirelessly for them, you can bet your ass I’m willing to do it for me. If I was willing to lose money for them, I could do the same for me.
On top of that, I’ve learned to pull back from other people’s ventures. Even in the last few years I have dove headfirst or attempted to be a key player in something that belonged to someone else. All it did was spread me thin and take away from my heart’s focus. No more. I am now working on being a part of something without having to run it. I’m an attendee now, rather than an organizer and I’m more than okay with it.
They say failures are lessons and I agree. They are really, fucking painful lessons. Without my failures, I wouldn’t have been forced to grow. I wouldn’t have been forced to look at myself and own my past mistakes. And I also wouldn’t be so forgiving with my current ones.
Fail forward babes,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.