I’ve got nothing
This is the week I started to teeter a bit. With so many things on my plate that require a massive amount of work, I’m feeling the grind. I wish I could say that it’s all rolling smoothly, but it’s not.
This is probably the first week I have sat down to write this and felt like I don’t really have much to say.
In fact I don’t really have much to say across the board.
My book is not really coming along. I have felt stuck with it and not really finding the words. My team is encouraging me to just get it out in what is called the “vomit draft.” A gross metaphor but I feel like I am trying to barf on an empty stomach.
I am also working on writing my talk for the summit I will be speaking at next month. Between the words on the page and the words on my head, I haven’t come up with much.
I’m wondering if my setting has something to do with my writer’s block. Maybe I am too easily distracted by work, so I plan to hole up in a coffee shop later today and see how that goes.
I think a lot of the time when someone has big goals, it’s easy to assume everything is smooth. It’s easy to assume they are just marching up that mountain carrying a flag and singing show tunes. Self-belief, unwavering faith and pep are just coming out their ears.
A large, often missed part of the journey is the monotony. Repeated action without that big gratification can get boring. You don’t see the frustration from being unable to do the simplest of tasks, like write a freaking chapter on a subject you know inside and out. You don’t see the person dragging themselves through the mud, sometimes only making inches of progress. You don’t see them blankly staring at a computer screen when there is a to-do list that extends the entire length of a college-ruled piece of paper. You miss out on the 487 ways they have procrastinated on something that might only take them 5 minutes of time.
All you see is the sunshine and glory.
Most people prefer it that way. But I’d rather you know that I dragged myself through a mud puddle first. That way if you are currently sitting in your own mud puddle, you will know it’s fairly normal.
I live for the times when I’m able to catch a sprint. Shit just clicks and I am super productive. I take advantage of those times, but they can be pretty few and far between.
When I am standing on top of that mountain, it will all be worth it. And the people who matter, like all of you, will know what it took for me to get up there.
And then, I’ll start on the next one.
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.