You’ll Never Change if…
Last week was my birthday week, and while I fully planned to eat whatever my heart desired with zero guilt (because guilt around food is not okay in my book), I also planned to go back to business as usual the next day.
Not so much.
Last year, despite being miserable and very inconsistent in the gym, I was basically perfect with my food. Until my birthday. I then not only fell off a cliff, I kept digging when I hit the ground. I didn’t get my shit together until 8 months and 15lbs later.
This year, I found myself struggling a lot with the “fuckits.” I would track in the mornings and by early evening, I was like ah fuck it and would just eat whatever. It wasn’t outrageous or anything but I know myself, and all it takes is just one justification to get me to face plant into the sea of fuckits.
I felt myself wanting to get it together and would just do the same thing the next day. I told my coach during my check in and her response was similar to my own, “Chrystal you know better!”
I do know better. But that clearly hadn’t mattered.
I began to think about how in the past when I start to make progress, specifically with my body and start liking my results, I self-sabotage. I really, really don’t want to do that anymore. In ANY area of my life.
I deserve good things. I deserve them to come to me after all the hard work I put in. I don’t deserve to put in the work and then piss it away.
At first I was so frustrated with myself. Wanting to know why I was doing this AGAIN. But then I realized that this was my opportunity to change.
You see, you can’t really change if you are never faced with it again. This is the test. When you want to make changes, you are going to be tested. Sometimes over and over again, until choosing a different way comes natural to you. And it will. It will become so natural to you it will hardly feel like effort anymore. At first though, it may be painful.
I used my new week as an opportunity to get back on track. Right the ship and keep sailing. And that’s exactly what I did. I’m sure I will come across the opportunity to capsize again, and I may even falter a bit, but that doesn’t matter as long as I keep going. In the meantime I’ll keep working on my mind.
Fall 99 times, stand up 100.
Self-love & hugs,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.