Don’t share with just anyone
I have been feeling a bit off lately and in Mexico, one of my friends asked me what was going on. I shared a little bit, thinking it would help to say some things out loud that I hadn’t yet. She’s not someone I would say I’m super close to, we chat a lot but I don’t normally share things with her. But I figured why not? She’s here and she’s asking.
And really I was disappointed. I wasn’t really hoping for a specific response but for me when someone is sharing their troubles, I listen. I take myself and my own feelings out of it. If they want advice, I’ll give it. If they don’t, I won’t. If I am giving advice, I don’t use abstract ideas, I tell them what I would do if it were me, and then say, “but that’s just what I personally would do, you have to do what’s right for you.
So I told her how I am really still processing some stuff with my mother. And realizing my drive for success stemmed from wanting validation and approval from her. Now that I know that, it all just seems…pointless. I told her that I have played big for so long I am exhausted and don’t feel like I have much to show for it. And I am entertaining the idea of playing small. Of letting go of these great big ideas and plans I have and getting a regular job, with an actual paycheck and having actual friends I do stuff with and time for actual hobbies and to just kick ass at being a wife to my amazing husband.
I guess I thought she’d just lend an ear. But instead, she kept making it about her. She kept telling me I should be grateful (I am) because she herself doesn’t have the same opportunities that I do. Which, rather than arguing with her because trust me, I could have made some killer points about her opportunities and possibilities– I realized I was simply sharing with the wrong person.
Just like it is difficult for someone without kids to understand the unique challenges of being a mom, it really takes a fellow entrepreneur to understand another.
Fortunately, my next trip was to an incredible women’s conference full of likeminded women, many of whom I already know. And so I decided to share my feelings yet again with a few of them.
And holy shit was the response different. Not one person lectured me on being grateful or invalidated my feelings but every single one of them listened. I felt heard. Not only that, but the conversations we had were so incredibly powerful, it actually helped me feel a bit more at peace with where I am at.
Know this, not everyone you talk to is the right person to share yourself with. So often you are sharing with people who don’t have the space within themselves, so they can not hold it for you. Sometimes you are just on a different level from someone, vibrating at a higher frequency and rather than being upset with the response you get, acknowledging that and then seeking out someone who gets it and you, is all you need.
Love you guys <3
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.