Happy? Mother’s Day
After a discussion about Mother’s Day in my private facebook group the other day, it’s clear that around the subject of mothers, many of us are hurting.
I am not excluded from that.
Some have shitty or nonexistent relationships with their mothers
Some have shitty pasts with their mothers
Some have lost or are losing their mothers
Some are mothers who don’t feel good enough
Some wish they were mothers but are struggling to conceive
Some are mothers who have lost their children pre or post birth
Truth is a lot of us are in pain. But for those who aren’t, I don’t want them to feel like they can’t celebrate the day. I don’t want anyone to feel that way. I am always down to watch another woman celebrate the good in her life. Her joy has nothing to do with my pain. My pain has nothing to do with her joy.
The conversation however, got me thinking about dates and how truly meaningless they are. Pain, grief, hurt and resentment are not exclusive to a date. I never understood why people would dread a date, as though they were gearing up to be sad. The people that I loved whom have passed– I don’t remember the dates they left us. The dates I was sent away to be abused as a child, come and go today without acknowledgement. The date I packed up to move across the country to rebuild my life after it had fallen apart, or the date I ran away from boarding school, dragging my shit through the woods – I don’t recall.
Grief, trauma, pain. None of these things need their own date. They can cripple you at work for no reason at all or at the grocery store on a Tuesday because you smelled something that triggered a memory.
Of course we are all different, but I get too much of that everyday sadness in my life to allow a date to have that kind of control.
Holidays are a bit different I think, especially with social media, because you can’t escape the posts. It’s like a triggered sad day on steroids where everywhere you look, it’s like salt is being rubbed into your still very open wounds. Personally, I hate Christmas and would rather flee somewhere warm to avoid it.
So if Mother’s Day is hard for you, I hope you do what you need to do to take care of yourself today. And if you are celebrating today, I hope you know you deserve your joy.
Be kind to yourselves and each other,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.