I Almost Quit
I was so burnt from the hell that was 2018 that in the beginning of this year, it was so difficult for me to even know what I wanted. I felt defeated from running my business. I felt like we would NEVER grow and that I would always just feel like I was going nowhere fast. In fact, I truly believed that I sucked at running my business.
I began to think of ways to get out of it. I fantasized about finding a partner who could run things better than me while I remained the creative, idea girl who went and got a job with an actual paycheck. I dreamt about the possibility of selling my business to someone who at least would “get it” so that I didn’t have to sell my soul as well.
I became resentful of this money pit, time suck of a monster I had created and I wanted out.
As an entrepreneur this feeling wasn’t new, but it felt more suffocating than usual. I would cry to my husband about it telling him I wish I could just quit, to which he would tell me that I absolutely could, to which I would wail in reply, “But I caaaaaaan’t.”
-Sometimes I stayed in because I invested far too much of my time and money to quit.
-Sometimes it’s because it would take so much effort to quit I wouldn’t know where to begin.
-Sometimes it’s because I have already failed at multiple things I simply can not bear the thought of the humiliation of doing it again.
But most of the times it’s because of the people like you reading this. It sounds cheesy and cliche as hell, but sometimes I only get out of bed in the morning because of the people who I know believe in me. The weight that holds in my heart is far bigger than anything I’ve ever carried and I will be damned if I drop it.
And so somewhere I thought if maybe I could sell it or find a way to shift responsibility, I’d carry less guilt.
But it wasn’t the right time. And it wasn’t for the right reasons. And so instead of focusing solely on improving my business (because honestly that’s all I ever think about) I began to work on improving my mind.
A couple months later, nothing in the business had actually changed but my mind had. My perspective had. Every so often I have to check myself and assess whether I am coming from a place of scarcity or abundance. I have to check my gratitude.
And then you know what? I was excited again. About the business, about projects I had in the works. About life.
At the end of the day I get to wake up, do what I love and am building a business that helps to support women and make them happy. I get to be married to my best friend and the most amazing person and partner I could ask for. I am fortunate to have my health and to be alive. All of that is priceless.
So if you feel like quitting, try reframing your mind first. It could help more than you know.