Not Today, Satan
Oh friends, where do I begin? This is going to be a long one. It has been a tough week for me. My anxiety was in full swing in the beginning half of the week and I could barely focus, and then my mom texted me to have conversations both Thursday and Friday which caused a meltdown on both days. And here I am, on Saturday night trying to get through some work when I was blind-sighted by a pretty fucked up text from a former friend.
Some quick backstory–
I had been friends with this girl since I was a teenager. In 2013 I was trying to better myself and I could no longer take her toxicity, so I ended it. She then verbally abused me and blocked me on everything. I wrote a blog post about why I ended it (leaving her name out of it) because I was hoping it would help people to find the courage to end a friendship that was no longer serving them, especially if length of time was the key reason they stayed in it.
Of course someone told her about the blog post and she lost it on me. I wasn’t sorry then and I am not sorry for it now. If I were to write it today I might have worded a thing or two differently, but I still firmly stand by that post.
Last year she reached out and apologized. I was pretty surprised but she shared some things about her mental health and it seemed as though she was actively trying to make a change. We talked on the phone and hashed some things out. I thought we would just move on but she was hoping for the old friendship back and really, I just wasn’t interested. It all came to a head and she lashed out, like she always did and I felt like a fool for believing she had changed.
Here we are, a year later and I get this gem:
If you would like to read the blog post that said “nasty things” and “publicly humiliated” her, you can find that HERE.
There are so many things I could say about her and these texts. But ultimately I feel bad for her. She’s pretty awful and a truly mean human being and that is unlikely to change.
A lot of us have issues. Some are chronic mental health issues, a true illness that requires treatment, trial & error and a lot of support to get better. Others might go through tough times and need some temporary help. All of that is okay. What is not okay, is to treat others like this person does. There is no excuse for being hateful to others when you absolutely know what you are doing and to blame any part of that on mental illness is pretty disgusting.
You guys, there is so much negative shit that comes through our phones on a daily basis. Social media posts that fire us up, mean people making hurtful comments, passive aggressive shade being thrown left and right. It’s no wonder why there are so many of us struggling. It’s a LOT.
There will always be people vibrating at a base level frequency, trying to bring you down– especially when you are on the verge of leveling up. You don’t owe them a damn thing. Not your time, not your energy and you don’t need to defend yourself– especially against utter bullshit. I know I don’t.
There are people in my life I answer to. My husband, my team, my close friends and the girls in my group. The people who truly invest in me, get that investment back. Everyone else — nope.
If you are reading this, you are likely one of those people. So if you have ANY questions for me in regards to my mental health, I will be happy to answer them. Otherwise, I’ll just keep doing what I am doing, because I know it’s what I am meant to do.
BIG HUGE HUGS,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.