Sometimes I am Unkind
If you have read ANY of these Self Love Sunday emails, then you will 100% know that I am anything but a perfect person. I do however, consider myself a leader and hold not just myself, but the majority of people I am close to, to some pretty high standards.
But what happens when I fuck up? What happens when I behave in a way that is not even close to the person I feel that I am, or the person I want to be?
And what if there are witnesses??
Believe it or not, there are some (very few) people I just don’t like. Most of them I have some pretty valid reasons and some are based on assumptions and weird vibes. Regardless I mostly keep my mouth shut about my feelings about them because 1. I don’t want to put bad energy out there 2. I don’t have time for that and 3. In my experience no matter how horrible someone else is, if you are popping off about it, YOU look like the bad one.
I pretty much never go directly to a person and bring them negativity just to fuck up their day. Whether they have 7 million followers or 7. I don’t have a need to be directly hateful to anyone.
Well a few weeks ago I made a comment on Twitter about someone. Not to them, not at them– but about them. I didn’t use names but if you know them and was watching the show I was watching at the time, then it was pretty obvious who it was about. Was it true? Probably. Was it kind? Definitely not.
I didn’t think much about it because I was providing some snarky commentary in general about the show. Well her best friend saw it and replied and a few of her followers chimed in.
It didn’t get crazy or over the top ugly, but afterwards I realized that one sentence, one tweet, one post — is enough for another person to use to define your entire character. And THAT is a mind fuck.
We do that to ourselves on the daily. Someone can tell us 9 wonderful, positive things about us and one negative and we will hone in on the negative. We give that one negative the power to negate all the positive.
I realized that no matter how hard I work to empower and support other women– because of a tweet or because of what someone else has said about me –there will always be someone there who believes I am the opposite. There are likely people who have followed me online for years and when they finally met me in person I was so riddled with social anxiety at the time, that they believed my friendly online persona to be fake.
My point is — I learned something after this incident–(yes, I should probably keep my commentary off Twitter)– but more importantly that I will fuck up, I will make mistakes, I won’t always show up as my best self– and it is okay.
What is most important is knowing who you truly are at your core and doing the best you can to show up as her every day. Self love isn’t about being and acting perfect all the time. Self love is for when you stumble, you give yourself some grace for it. It’s for making peace with the idea that there are some people out there that maybe didn’t get the best version of you.
It’s for recognizing that sometimes you can simply do better, and the next time you’re given the opportunity, you will.
Self love, hugs and booty slaps,
Read the next installment of Self-Love Sunday here.